Wah, Wah, Wah

It’s Saturday.  In spite of the Memorial Day off, this has been a long week. We moved into our house last Friday, and a heavy project at work the past few days could have pulled my hair out (if I had any).  I think it’s catching up to me.  For the past few nights I have been waking up in the middle of the night with my mind racing, and I can’t fall back asleep.  I finally succumbed and started working at 4:30 one morning.  Then I felt my eyes drifting off in the afternoon, in the most precarious locations.  I’m just so tired.  I started writing this as my eyes were about to close, yet I promised my daughter I would take her to Panera so she can work on her homework.  (She needs Internet connection, and our cable will be installed on Thursday.)  Just four more days of school, then she will be finished.  We’ve been driving her every day since we don’t have the bus schedule.  Is anyone else looking forward to summer?

Isn’t it ironic? We look forward to school when summer is nearing the finish line, and we look forward to summer at this time of the year.  Change is good.

Sorry, this feels a little like a complaining session, and a bit of rambling as well.  I just changed the title of this post because of it. I hope you aren’t falling asleep reading!  I want to thank you for indulging me a few minutes.  Life is like that.  Sometimes we feel up and sometimes we feel down.  Sometimes we ramble and other times we are more focused.  We don’t usually capture discouraging moments in a photo album, but they do exist.  I’m being transparent here.  As surgery looms closer, I’ve had a few of those moments.  When this happens, it’s time to get into the Word.  Time to draw closer to the Lord.

It doesn’t take a communication specialist to know: the closer we are to people, the better we can hear them and understand what they are saying (in both physical and emotional space).  The same is true with the Lord.  When I feel like He is far away and I can’t understand what he is saying, I have to ask myself “who moved?”  He is constant, so it must be me.  I am reminded of words spoken by the Pastor Cho, pastor of the world’s largest church (over a million in Korea).  When he has an extremely busy day ahead (and he must have many) he does not speed through his time with the Lord.  He gets up an hour earlier to pray. 

Next day.  On to some more positive thoughts.

Prayer.  I was convicted to pray when I wake up in the middle of the night, starting this morning.  Starting with praise for the hours of sleep I did get.  Praise for a God who loves me and has already started the healing process.  Praise for the rain that was accompanied by an amazing lightening storm.  Thanksgiving and prayers for my family, my doctors, my nurses, and all my friends whom I hold so dear.

Time to dig deeper into the Word.  Prayer is meant to be a two-way communication.  We talk to Him, and we listen as He speaks to us through His Word.

Even in the down days when we are tempted to grumble and complain, we still have a God who loves us and cares for us deeply.  He meets us where we are.  He says, “my child. Do not worry.  I am here.  I am beside you with each box you unpack, each day of your work week, each minute of your day, each chemo treatment and blood draw.  My child, let’s have a cup of tea together.  Let’s spend the day together.”  Every moment of each waking day will focus on how I can glorify God with my life.

Come and sit a spell!

Home.  We are nearly finished unpacking from our move.  Monday was a very productive day.  We also got some great Memorial Day sales on furniture to fill the gaps.  I still have a few books to put away (and there are still some items to purchase), but our new house feels like a home.  Even the dog has found her favorite spots.  It didn’t take long to feel this way, actually.  We felt at home the first night we slept here.  We really like it here, and I have commandeered my prayer niche!  Two, in fact.  One inside and one outside on our patio. Lord, I am looking forward to spending lots of quality time with you in the home you have provided.

Chemo.  Thursday (after I had my blood drawn), my infusion nurse told me I don’t have to have my blood drawn when I’m only getting Herceptin.  That was such good news!  I’ll admit it is a hassle going in early to get the blood drawn, get poked a few times until they can find the vein, wait for the results, then get the infusion.  What should be a 30 minute infusion has turned into 2+ hours at time.  Thank you Lord for giving me back some time in my day!

Aside, speaking of Herceptin I was in the clinic a bit longer on Thursday because I had a little situation.  My port site has been itchy and red for a few days now.  **Yes, I should have called the clinic, but no, I didn’t think about it.**  When the nurse cleaned it for the needle entry, she noticed me wincing at the pressure she applied to the incision with her cotton swab.  She wasn’t too concerned about the itchiness, but the pressure raised her eyebrows.  Next a consult with the Nurse Practitioner.  Then a prescription.  Then I could get my Herceptin.  She thinks it’s just a skin irritation (probably from all the dust in the move), but to prevent infection she wants me to take an antibiotic.  This is the weekend my counts are likely to drop, so we really don’t want to get an infection.  They did tell me a couple of horror stories to remind me of the importance of wearing closed shoes at all times as well as staying away from sick people.

Am I back to complaining again?  Sorry about that.  I’ll close with some more good news.

Friends.  My life-long friend from college is coming to visit when I’m in the hospital, and hopefully stay a few days or even a week after I’m discharged as well.  We’re still confirming with her employer how long she can stay.  She’s driving all the way from Mississippi.  What a friend!

Then our friends from Florida have also made arrangements to come and visit the following week.  It will be so good to catch up!

We are really looking forward to seeing our friends.  Just knowing they are willing to come is such an encouragement!

In addition, three members of the church where Tim has been speaking drove from Houston to help us clean the house we moved out of.  What they accomplished in an hour or two would have taken us all day.  Thank you Lord for bringing so many blessings in the physical form of friends!!  

Complain?  No reason.