Yesterday was a big day.
For the first time in many years, all three of Mom’s children were in the room with her at the same time. My how time flies by. Shawn, Dee and Christian arrived in the morning and Bonnie made it shortly after that. Apparently there are few wreckers available at 2:30 AM to help you fix a flat tire in the middle of Nowhere, Georgia. Bonnie’s journey here was a bit delayed in spite of driving from Ohio all night long. We took lots of pictures, and whenever Mom would open her eyes Bonnie held her hand, smiled and said, “there’s those eyeballs.” It was good to see them together, and to have all of us together.
A surprise visitor arrived in the afternoon. Bryan (my son) and Maggie (his fiancé) drove all night to get here from Texas. When Bonnie saw them pull up she said, “there’s Bryan” and Mom’s eyes popped wide open. “Bryan?” she smiled. When they came in the room he gave her big hugs and she kissie faced him (that’s what she used to always call it) one more time. He used to act like he didn’t like it when she would kiss his cheeks, but he always asked for more. They were kindred spirits, two of a kind, very similar in personality, and they used to spend lots of time together when Bryan was a little boy. So this was hard. “Harder than I thought,” according to Bryan. She was so happy to meet Maggie, and I’m very glad they came.
She was awake long enough to hear about their wedding plans, and Maggie and Bryan got to hear stories of Philip getting into trouble because Mom would tell on him. Apparently she could run faster than him when they were kids, and she would go tell dad, who then told mom, who then punished him for whatever it was he was doing. We all had a laugh at some of his childhood stories, and it was good to see her alert long enough to enjoy them as well.
As many of you are heading off to church, I am sitting in Mom’s room listening to the old hymns on Pandora and watching her breathe. Occasionally she opens her eyes and I hold her hand. She still has enough energy to say, “I love you.” I’ll take as many of those as I can get.
Yesterday at breakfast (Saturday), she drank some juice and she couldn’t figure out how to swallow so she started choking. It scared her so the nurse came quickly and gave her some medicine to calm her down. From that point on they have been doing mouth care but she hasn’t asked for anything to drink or eat. When I offer it she just shakes her head. Some folks have asked whether we should be giving her IV fluids, but the nurses assure me this is just a part of the transition process. Her body is shutting down and she has no need or desire for food or drink.
The nurse explained to me that our culture teaches us “food is equivalent to love.” We eat together, and when we can no longer do this with those we love, we don’t know how to act. Sometimes family members try to force their dying relative to eat, but this just causes stress and trauma. I trust the nurses. They want Mom to be as comfortable and peaceful as possible, so I’m not forcing it. The medicine helps her to not feel like she’s choking, and helps her to breathe easier. It also makes her sleepy, so she doesn’t request it. Fortunately we didn’t need to give her anything the rest of the day as she was not in pain and she wasn’t choking. She is resting peacefully at this moment. Her vital signs are all still good in spite of her various organs fighting for “first place.”
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À la prochaine (Until next time) …