I’m sitting at Starbucks taking a break from work. I’ve earned Green status on my app, which means free refills on tea, so it’s more worthwhile to come here and work. I’m having mint tea. It’s calming looking out over the marina and watching various people chatting on their phone while sitting in the cafe.
Twenty-Nine down and FOUR more radiation treatments to go. Hard to believe we have come this far! I remember when it was 1 down 32 to go, and I thought I would never see the end of the tunnel. Now the light is getting brighter, and I don’t think it’s an oncoming train. 🙂
You’re probably familiar with the phrase, “If it’s not one thing it’s another.” When going through cancer treatment you never know what you might find each day. This morning I noticed a “black hole” in the incision over my port. It’s like I can see the port, so I asked a nurse and she brought in the doctor. Yep. It’s an opening alright. No fever or infection at this point, but she put me on antibiotics four times a day. I will go back on Monday to see if the hole closes on its own. Fortunately I’ll already be there. I do NOT want to get another infection.
It was either this or, she offered, remove the port. Tough choice! I’m anxious to get the port out, but I still have infusions every three weeks until the end of the year. Having no port would require getting the remaining Herceptin in my arm, which I really wouldn’t prefer. We’ll try the antibiotics. “Just don’t get anything in it.” Well if I had microscopic vision I might be able to avoid the infectious bacteria, but I’ll do my best. Fortunately I don’t have any plans to play in the dirt for the next few days.
Side Effects. My skin is very red, and black in places from the radiation, on the entire right side of my chest wall and armpit. I won’t gross you out with all the gory details, but it is not very pretty. It’s tight and definitely burned. It’s like a very bad sunburn, but different. In spite of the stretching, it’s hurting more often, and I’m just ready to be done with all this. I’m still doing my best to maintain a positive attitude, but reality is it’s getting more difficult to stay positive each day.
I want to go to bed. I’m getting plenty of rest, most of the time. But I don’t feel “rested.” I’m tired! It is times like this I must rely on the Lord to give me rest. He is gentle and humble and provides rest for my soul. I know this burden will pass.
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30, NIV).
Admittedly, it was hard to get out of bed this morning. We aren’t riding the bike to treatment from hereon due to various reasons (meetings and such), so it’s not as motivating to get up. Today I had to drive myself because Tim had a meeting. I miss our chats on the way to and from the clinic. The radiation therapist said fatigue is cumulative. The doctor said it would happen. They were right…
On a more humorous note, my dreams are more vivid. My dream self tries to combine various aspects of my life. As a family we are revisiting our daughter’s favorite series Once Upon a Time, bringing Tim up to speed so we can start Season Three. I woke up trying to fit all the fairy tale characters into a faculty schedule. Imagine Regina the evil queen teaching a classroom full of marriage and family therapists! She would probably rip their hearts out.
Aside, are you sitting down? Tim even asks to watch another episode! I know, he just lost a few “man” points, but in his defense it IS a compelling series!
There are some parallels to our life as believers, in case you haven’t seen the series. We have a hidden identity in Christ. We need a Savior to break the evil curse and reveal our true identity. Once we are aware of our true identity, we look for other brothers and sisters in Christ with whom to fellowship. We still have to live in this world with human and spiritual desires in constant tension with one another. One day we will live in our true “home,” where we will all have a happy ending. That will be a glorious day!
À la prochaine (Until next time) …
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Up next:
On October 8th, I will ring the bell in celebration of my last treatment. I change my identity from “cancer victim and battler” to an official “survivor.” Yes!!
On October 10th, I will join other breast cancer survivors on stage at The Marketplace in The Woodlands, when they light it up pink and literally strike cancer. Join me at 5:00 for the celebration! They will have a band and other fun stuff from 6-8.
On October 11th, We leave for our Victory Ride. More on that later! I’m so excited!